You know it's been a long time since you last wrote in your blog when you sit staring at the computer screen for 3 minutes, watching that little vertical icon bounce in your browser, as you try to remember the name of your blogging site again.

blogspot?....no.
facebook?....no.

 *more thought

flickr?...no.
myspace?....no.

dang it.

dang....a?
xanga! yess.

It's been a strange summer.
One of countless phone minutes spent talking about things like tie colors and the cost of paper plates versus normal ones.
One of reading on the porch, napping in the park, and counting the fruit lined up on my window sill with the same pride that a mother hen undoubtedly counts her chicks. One also, of spending 8 hours a day / 5 days a week, with words like <span class="caption"> floating around my head while I mutter to myself, "stupid missing </div>....where are you??" And, I still have to sheepishly answer people with, "no, I actually can't build a website for you....I don't know how.  No, really.     No. REALLY. "

It's been a strange summer because it feels like so little--and so much has happened.
I can't believe Zach and I have been engaged for over 60 days now. We'll be married in less than 100 more.
I can't believe that a church that I didn't like going to, and only begrudgingly attended for most of last year, has now become a home of sorts. Maybe, even, a community.  A church.
Dare I say it?

It's been strange to be tottering on the brink of feeling like a child, and then an adult, and then most definitely a child again. "Am I really getting married?" I ask myself sometimes. I think the strangest thing about it is that I associate marriage with grown-up-ness, and I associate grown-up-ness with togetherness--with having it all figured out and under control.
And, that, I am certainly lacking.

I know that there is so much more to be had of God that my heart hasn't even begun to ache for yet.
My capacity for His presence is so small. My faith is so weak. My response is often so halfhearted.
But, His love is so steady and persistent.

It drips
..drip
dri

p
drips onto my heart. And maybe it takes time...but that dri p will bore through all my callousness in time.
He is who He says He is.

I watched this movie with Zach the other night called "Finger of God". I guess this guy had an aunt and uncle who said that God gave them gold teeth...so, skeptical, he went on a trip to see what else God was doing in the world. And, along the way he (and us- through his camera) saw God do some amazing things. But, really, what was so amazing was not that people get healed when the Kingdom of God comes...it was seeing that God must really delight in us. Why else would He heal the deaf, and the lame, and even replace sick teeth with gold ones?
There is no other answer.
He delights Himself in humanity-- people like you and me.

Do I believe it?
I want to. more and more.

I think that my way of coping with the first finals week of the year is generally to do something rash and spontaneous.
Last year I dyed my hair brown, and so made my mother cry.
This year I just cut it all off.

Really, it's not so bad...I actually quite like it.
And, it's made for an interesting home coming. Instead of all the "Oh, how was your first semester?" comments people usually give (which actually doesn't apply to me at all since I'm not on the semester system, but the evil-devil quarter system instead), I just stun them into dumb silence. Once they regain consciousness, they squeak out a "wow" or a "crazy!"

But, on the upside, I no longer have to use a hairbrush.
Yet another thing that my 83 year-old grandfather and I have in common.
delicious.

Right now my little brother is sitting on the couch across from me dramatically reading his book for school out loud.
I think this is what the night before the first day of school does to him.

I'm beginning to grasp at the last days of summer as I feel them slowly slipping from my fingers.
Here in California the summer will stretch on for the rest of the month, but mine ends abruptly in a week.

Well, that is if 36 hours is abrupt.
My sister and I are going to take the train up to Seattle, and then spend a few days seeing the city. I'm excited :)

Summer's been so good, and so deliciously long feeling.
From a responsible point of view, I took a Nutrition class and Spanish II @ PCC and then worked full time.
From a me point of view, I crammed a bunch of Spanish in my head, saw my family and friends who I've missed so much, wrestled with many bad and good things that crop up in relationships over time and distance, watched a meteor shower in the desert and a lunar eclipse on my front lawn, went to a million thursday-night dinners, hosea-ed with a bunch of beautiful girls, camped and whoonu-ed, prayed and danced and beach-ed, and laughed and cut too many people's hair.

One thing that I've been realizing over the summer is just how very much I need people to be praying for me.
And, I love it! I love it when people ask me if there's a way that they can be praying for me.

So, let me return the favor-- Is there a way that I can be praying for YOU?
Let me know-- really, I'd love it.

melissadorr@gmail.com